Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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