You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize