I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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