Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
