so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
