last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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