i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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