I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
