she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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