I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
