Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
