On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
