im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
