i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
