it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
