it hurts more in the daytime
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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