I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
