Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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