my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
