If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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