How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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