I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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