so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
