He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
