he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
