How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
