I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
