her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
