Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
