i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
how drunk are you?
Several
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
