remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
