what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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