i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
