I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
