Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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