When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
