I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
