i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
