Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
this hospital has no fireball
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
