finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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