i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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