She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
