We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
