Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I take back everything I said about communal showers
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
