she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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