dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
