Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
