I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
