I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
