so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
