My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
