I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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