Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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