he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
