He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm too high and old for this...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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