is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
