I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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