New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize