Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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