I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
