i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So squirting runs in the family.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
