you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
