I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize