I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
