Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
