How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Randomize
